Dickstuck-A Tale of Lord Tourettes and Solux Captor
by MondoHussie
Summary: This is a mash up thatnobody has ever dared to come up with. Homestuck fans, Dickfigure fans, meet the pairing: Lord Tourettes and Sollux...


Dickstuck-The Tale of Lord Tourettes and Sollux Captor

Yay for crack ships! Ok so my friend and I to write a crack ship story. here is chapter one... ~The Authors~

==Chapter One

Your name is Sollux Captor. You used to live on alternia, but you live on Earth now. You are a gamer and a coder.

Your name is unknown. Everyone just calls you Lord Tourettes, or LT for short. You have instances when you are uncontrollably insane.

Sollux walks into his dorm. He feels the need to break up with his current girlfriend.

"Hi"  
"Oh, hi solbabe! Why do you sound down? Did you not make the final cut?"  
"No, i uh, i got in..."  
"Thats great! But whats bothering you?  
"Kanaya, i love you like a best friend. Not a girlfriend. I am, uh, im ... Im gay."  
"Oh...sweetie, thats fine! Not everyone has to be straight to be happy! Im glad you told me!"  
"Are you ok kanaya?"  
"Yes! Im fine!"  
"Alright, then im gonna go for a walk, clear my head. Talk later?"  
"Yeah, sounds good, i have to get to home sewing class anyway! Bye!"

With that, sollux goes back outside and heads to the park. He is deep in thought and didnt realize his (annoying) friend was running into him. They collide, landing sollux on the ground. "What was that for LT?" Sollux says, getting up to brush himself clean.

"Man, im ~FUCKING sorry" LT says, with his weird swearing.

At this point, sollux is staring at LT, looking at his adorable green shirt and hat and his-wait no. Sollux thinks to himself. He cant be falling for LT. "What are you doing here?"

"Heehee~ Im picking some beautiful CUNTSUCKING flowers~! hoohoo!"

"Oh my. I'm friends with a weirdo. A fucking weirdo..."

"Ohhooo~? Well then! I would love to meet this SHITTY weirdo heehee~!" He giggles as he looks around to find the nonexcisting new friend.

"Oh i wish there was some other weirdo friend." Sollux says as LT continues to annoy him.

"Heheheee~ Your just so FUCKING hilarious Solly~!" At this point, LT is very amused by Sollux.

Sollux just stares at LT, waiting for the conversation to die over. But, to his dismay, it doesnt. LT started to ramble on about something Sollux does'nt care about enough to listen. All he does is add in some "mhmmm"s and "Yeah I'm listening".

As LT continues the one sided conversation, Sollux turns hi attention to LT's qualities. Solux likes the look of LT's ass, and the way he can keep a conversation going, even though he is the only one who talks.

Out of no where, LT bops Solux on the head really hard, making Sollux swear a few words under his breath.

"heheheeeehoo~! Solly, pay attention you CUNTLICKER hohoo~! Are you done being SHADY and ready to FUCKING listen to me~?!"

Glaring at LT, Sollux smirks.

"No, I was listening..." Sollux takes his glasses off. Using his brain powers, he lifts LT into the air.

"But because you bopped me on the head, you are now 56 or so feet in the air." LT looks down, and then a very big grin appeared on his face.

"~FUCKING amazing~! hooohooooooweeeeeee~! I'm spinning like a ~DOUCHY person~!" Annoyed that his plan did't work, Sollux lost consentration, causing LT to fall.

"I'm ~FUCKTARD freeeee woooohooooo~!" LT was faling fast. Sollux did't know what to do, so he quickly got under LT.

LT landed in Solux's arms bridal style. "Hey man you ok?" Sollux asks LT.

"Are you FUCKING kidding me~hoohoo that was soooo much fun~!" LT makes a move to grab Sollux's horns.

"D-don't do that! Don't t-touch my horns!" Solux is still holding LT, but moves his head so that LT misses.

"Heehee~ what the FART are you so afraid of heehee? its just touching horns~!" LT moves again to touch Solux's horns.

"T-they make m-e horny w-when y-y-you touch m-my hor-ns" Solux is studdering.

"Ooohhoohohoo~! FUCK yes!" LT grabs Sollux's hands and rubs them.

Sollux started to pur. LT is having fun with this, and continues. Sollux puts LT down, and wraps his arms around his waist.

"LT, mmmmhmm k-kiss mee..." Solux asked the dared question. Later on he wonders why he asked it.

"Heehee if you say so~!" LT leans forward and plants a soft kiss on...Sollux's cheek.

"mmmmhmhmmm no. k-kiss mm-ee. On t-the lip-s..."

LT blushes and then leans forward again and kisses Sollux on the lips gently, wrapping his arms around Sollux's neck.

"How about I-I bringg y-you to m-my hive.." Sollux says, and without letting LT answer, he picks him up and heads to his hive.

==End of Chapter One

HEEHEEHEEHOOOOOO~HEEHEEHAAHUUHAAAHEEEEHOO~~HEEHEEHEE OH OHHHH AHHH HHAHAHAHAAAHEEEHEEHAAAAAAAA~HOOOOOOOOHOHOAHHHAHAHEEHEE~! That is the end of chapter one. sorry its kind of a cliff hanger...ENJOY!


End file.
